Beep Beep, :D

A four hour travel is what one must bear in order to have that glance, to finally hold hands, personally see those heart-melting smiles and hear soft sweet spoken I love you’s after weeks to months of not being with each other. Four long hours.

Having to be seated with a scary-looking someone to getting stuck in traffic, a lot can happen in an hour or so. But dealing with boredom is the challenging part. Being by yourself in large rectangular box with wheels with no one to talk to, enduring the cold / humid temperature, keeping still, fighting the urge not to sleep are just a few things one must be accustomed to in every travel. Just by thinking of starting that first minute already draws strength. But once you’ve found the reason why you are on that ride, every yawn, sighs and bus stops are worth it.

The excitement the ride brings before it reaches the terminal in inevitable, finally, a chance to be with each other again. Almost feeling his warm embraces, his big hand pressed on mine, sweet smiles, kakilig gazes… Yey, flabby’s here! >:D<

We’ve known each other for two years. It started with my avatar on the wrong place to you saying your good morning lambing a while ago to brighten my day. We know much about each other. Two years passed as if they were only days..

Us being miles apart was never perceived negatively, I see it as an opportunity for us to miss each other. That’s why am missing you a lot, :((

It’s been two years since I started having this ride with you, two happy years of knowing you. There may be a few bumps on the road, yet in the end, we’re both sitting next together hand-in-hand. Regardless of our distance, your presence never seems to leave me. You are always here, :”>

When will our next ride take us? Never leave my side, okay? Tabi tayo sa byahe… >:D<

Happy second year of knowing you! Happy two years of landian! Yey! I love you, :-*

Mint condition.

Amidst the complexity of the situation and despite our distance, our hearts bonded not offering any attention on the hindrances fate has arraigned us. Why continue searching for someone else? Why hope on deceitful promises? Why wait for those who have left? When well in fact the person destined for you is right here, waiting for you to love him back.

---

I have walked alone for too long. Taunting memories of pain, hatred and sadness engulfed my wretched heart for countless of days, torturing me, tormenting every sleepless nights, waking me with dried tears on my eyes.

As I stare blankly, I tried coming up with the sweetest letter I can give him. A letter that will voice out what I truly feel. Minutes passed, and yet all I can come up with is this:

“Everything I say is an understatement.”

It was then that I realized that no amount of sweet phrases, messages or thoughts can bring justice to what I truly feel for him… Every heart melting “I love you” can never dignify the love I am feeling right now…

---

I used to fear love, have rejected every idea of falling in love again and be fooled by it once more. Spite the numerous of those that have tried to change how I perceived the infamous emotion, my heart still can’t escape the pain it felt from yesterday. Accepting someone anew was never an option. Even with only the idea brought back all the pain I’ve been through; stopping me from my tracks, refraining to giving anyone a chance. But when he came, I realized that it was not the love that I was afraid of. Rather I was afraid of getting hurt by the same reasons as before and lose the one I love.

I was not looking for love. My heart was still torn up when he found me, I could barely stand up. After a disastrous relationship I was not sure if I’m ready to fall in love once again. He came into my life unexpectedly. It came as a surprise which I tend not to give importance to at first. Who would have thought that the love I wished for have been looking for me too in Pampanga? He is different. He gave me reasons to believe, have faith on love, help me forget the past and make our own memories together. He didn’t help me pick up of what was left of my heart when we met; he gave me a new one instead. A new heart and a new love. Everything is new, as if it was my first time to love.

Ours was not love at first sight, rather a love that we deserve. Something we dreamt of every night, hoped for every waking moment, prayed and waited for when the others have failed. Every morning I always look forward to being with him again. The thought of him smiling is enough to brighten my day. I feel that with him I can be happy. I am happy, ^___^.

---

Mayabang, mahangin, bolero; those were my first impressions. I was reluctant at first to reply to his message, but I still did. He was just another guy on the net aspiring to make friends with me. Others would ask for my ym account or number. But he gave me his. I used to ignore such proposals, but his method of catching my attention worked. And I was blithe to have responded!

I have casted my beliefs of love; I thought that for once the happiness that I am feeling now is consistent and will forever be with me. For happiness that comes with love always seem to disappear in time. In the end it becomes a vicious cycle of happiness and hurt however it seems that the hurting outweighs the happiness a hundred fold. It was then that I realized that I was in fact falling for someone and I was already longing for more…

Confusing as I may seem, indeed, I am beginning to like this feeling. That after years of being taunted by memories… Alas, here I am considering myself into something that has no assurances yet it leaves me hanging and engulfed in the overwhelming feeling he gave me.

---

I thank you because you have opened my eyes as well as my heart. Awaken me into something less worrisome; less tears and more laughter. It is you who taught me how to love again after a painful heartache. It is you who made me realize that I can be happy once more. You saved me in more ways than I can imagine.

I missed this feeling; the care, happiness and the love. I thank you for making me remember. Loving me in ways I can only imagine. In spite of our four-hours-of-travel-distance, you never fail in making me feel the warmth of your love here. Pampanga and Laguna for us was never that far…

You are the highlight of my every day. Am I really being loved by you or was I floating high above the clouds?

With you I can be myself. Keep me hopeful for tomorrow. Show off to the rest of the world that this love will never fade. Thank you for loving me!

Finally, someone to call my own…

“I LOVE MY NIKKO!! I LOVE YOU FLABBY! >:D<”

I fear love.

She said she’s not going to fall for anyone just yet; that love has no space in her heart as of now. But why is it that she kept on searching? Looking for someone who can help her mend the pain and replace it with pleasant ones? Is it because the pain is too much that she needed something to keep her away from it? Or love just never let her off its sight?

We look for love not just because of the “kilig” moments we have when we’re in love... We search for it because we want to be accepted, have someone who’d be with us and share their life with. It is something that others try to escape yet somehow it always finds its way to hit us right at our hearts unnoticeably.

We can’t deny the fact that through love we are captured by its presence, caught up in what seems like an unending bliss, making us crave and wish that things will stay the same forever. It’s tough to stay single. Every day I see couples holding hands, drowned in sweet moments, saying heartfelt nothings and glow with the aura of love. I must admit, that sometimes I am envious of them. I sometimes caught myself reminiscing of the past and thinking of the what-might-have-been, the what ifs and if only.

“When he left me, it rained. It’s as if the sky was mourning with me. With every sobs and every falling tear, the sadness poured.”

I cried, I wept. The doleful feeling I felt attributed to me wishing for someone to come and help me, rescue me from the bittersweet situation I detained myself to.

My wishes did come true… Some came but eventually they left. Every fulfilled wish was wasted. Sadly, I was not yet ready and likewise, falling for me was synonymous with the words pain, hurt, brokenhearted, bitter, solitude, and suffering…

“I am single not because I am bitter. I am single because I realized that there are more important things in life than love. Sadly, I learned how to prioritize…”

Love has always had that special place in us; majority of us refers to it as a reason to live. We live our lives searching for that someone whom we want to spend our lives with. For whatever fate has done to me, it changed me greatly. Call me a man-hater or the bitterest person ever, I won’t deny the fact that the so-called love has betrayed me…

Suddenly, he came along..

Infatuation and love, can it easily be distinguished? How can you determine which is which? Are you really into someone? Or are you just happy with the presence and feelings that that person is giving you?

---

Infatuation, defined as an immature or fleeting amorous feeling over someone; to be infatuated with or be inspired with an intense but short-lived passion. It is synonymous with the words crush and puppy love.

A ray of light shines waking me up from a deep slumber, a smile made its mark on my face as I recall the talks we had the night before. Never could I deny the verities that has manifested on every smiles I made each day as his face moments by every moment devour my thoughts. I still can’t get enough of him, longing for more, wanting for another chance to spend time together. I never thought I would, nor did I even plan on being so… I just woke up one morning knowing it is him! ^____^

Each one of us has a list of characteristics, attitude and personalities of someone whom we wish to fall for us and love. That amidst the millions upon millions of people here on Earth we will get lucky and finally meet that someone we deserve. We wish on every falling star, every coin dropped in a well and every prayer we desperately ask for that that someone will come and rescue us from the sadness love bestowed us.

---

Love is defined as an intense feeling of a profoundly tender and passionate affection, a great interest and pleasure in something or for another person.

“I got so caught up with my emotions that I failed in considering important details in his life.”

The story I wished to live in and the dream to be a part of his life suddenly ended in something I did not expected. I know it was not supposed to happen but the overwhelming feeling I felt when I’m with him made me forget how I perceived love before. For a while it was something to look forward to yet not something that would relatively become a reality. Who says falling is such a pleasurable experience?? Naman.

I miss being love. I miss the moments, the laughter, and the sweetness of being in love. Every night I wish for someone to come yet when the sun shines all I can think about is relieving myself and staying away from that so-called love. But all of a sudden, he came along. The Ethyl that kept her heart hidden and locked from everyone suddenly showed a hint of admiration for someone she never thought would change her that quickly. With his witty antics, frugal smiles, “bagong gising” do, gay talks, and kakulitan made her open again her door for love. She fell for that, waah.

---

Sadly, our story has to end. The love that I thought I have found was nothing but a mere infatuation due to my hastiness to love. It sucks to know that after every effort one did just to stay out of love will suddenly come across someone who would make them plunge heavily and eventually stop them on their tracks. The feeling was mutual, but some things are much better to stay the way it was when it started. Ouch…

Like a child, I look at him with eyes that only see the good, innocently searching, wanting him to come pick me up, see me, be with me, and fall for me. I listen to his every word; look at him as if I have known him for so long. Every moment seems endless. Is it wrong to expect so much from someone you adore? Or am I expecting too much even if it is not right?

Wee, moving on... ^^

I'm done!

My heart still bears the pain of yesterday and yet I still find myself smiling every time I see a ray of hope, a new love that is bound to come my way…

“A heart can be broken but it keeps beating just the same…”

They say love is always accompanied by hurt. All had experienced pain, everyone has taken risks, and a lot has been sacrificed. But is it all worth it? That after all the loving, you are left with the weakening fact that his love for you has faded. That you are no longer the one, the special girl he once swore undying love to…

Love never fails in bringing out the brightest smiles and yet in the end, when all else fails, you are suddenly faced with a future so indistinct you can barely see the way. Ending you trapped in yesterday’s memories, haunting you, leaving you in tears with nothing but false hopes and broken promises...

Nevertheless, it keeps us hoping, wanting for more. Making us crave for that reason that made us smile before…

“When you start to miss me, remember… It was you who let me go…”

Memories indeed have a way of making us be crippled in pain. But optimism can turn things around; making the broken hearted people lay out a sneer…

It was you who first held my hand, making me feel safe in your arms. It was you who gave out a smile, making my world stop and wish you’d be mine. It was you who asked me to love you, making me live a dream I never thought would come true. And it was also you, who left me with such shallow reasons, forcing me to wake up to the reality that dreams are fantasies, that everything was not permanent and that you loved me for reasons so mundane that it failed to survive.

Would you blame me if I say I do no longer love you? Just like you, my love has faded. That like you, for me it ended.

“Hey, guess what?... I’ve moved on.”

Moving forward..

Somewhere between the hurt and hoping is a heart that wishes things didn’t end. Desperately, I’m reaching out for someone who’d rescue me from this fall. And yet, I find myself in a pit of despair, distress and solitude.

“Why hope? Why even bother to care? When the only path left to choose is to walk away.”

He left. The “happily-ever-after” ending that I dreamed about suddenly turned into a nightmare. Isn’t it sad that in our lives, we have to say goodbye to those we love and care about for some reasons we can’t explain, and that no matter how you try to save the good old times it just wouldn’t work. And the only right thing left to do is to break away and let go to prove them just how much pain you are willing to take just to see them so damn happy.

Yes I am hurt, but here I am still hoping he’d be back. It hurts to think that I’m still crying, mourning over someone who has left me with no second-thoughts. It is true that love does bring out the stupid part in us. For even in pain, we love. Even for a small possibility, we hope. That even for a slightest chance, we pray. And with all that hoping and praying, we let ourselves bleed once more, tormenting our hearts with the agonizing truth that we were left behind by the people we love.

“Why kept holding on to someone who is on the other hand struggling to get away from you?“

Sometimes, I just can’t understand why love allows pain to take its place. But one thing is for sure, ayaw niya na. Whatever his reasons are, I’m letting him go. He has let go of someone who loved him better, someone who accepted him despite all, someone who continue and faithfully hold on despite his struggle to move away. And now, I’m walking away.

Wake up, girl!!

At first I thought I was a part of a story I never even dreamed of living in, a story so far-fetched that even in movies never liked that kind of situation, it is even rarely being considered. Who would have thought I’d be a part of a family so loving? I never thought, wished or even dreamed of being that loved by those people who I’m not related to by blood. And yet, I found myself in a circle of warmth that made me wished I’d never wake up.

“____ anak, bahala ka na lang kna momi, dadi u ___ at pati na dn sa nagmamature mo pang mahal, wag u bbtaw ha.”

But that story was short lived. I was just an episode, a chapter in their story. I got so comfortable with the support they’ve shown that I was blinded by the kindness and love. Was it true? Were they really supporting me? Or was it just to test their love? I was so overwhelmed with the situation that I failed to notice the obvious.

“I’m just an episode, a chapter in your story.. One day a new chapter would begin and that would be the end of my role..”

Ok na ako last summer, hindi na ko umiiyak nun. Tanggap ko na that it was over and I was contended with the friendship I had with him and his family. Ok na ko nun e.. Now here I am again, still weaken by the fall.

“anak pasensya kna kung nasaktan ka uli ni __..mga bata pa naman kau. Kaw gusto namin, d2 lng kami para sau. Lovu anak.”

I am again forcing my way back to reality, waking myself from a dream that no doubtingly placed tears on my eyes. I am now trying to pick up the pieces and finding a way to stand again.

“sabi ni papa masaya daw sya ngaun dahil alam nya na kahit na anong gawin ng iba, khit n anong pilit naming isupres ung nararamdaman namin, we can’t deny the truth n nagmamahalan pa rin kami ni __”

Ouch. Hay.. Ewan ko ba skin.. Dati, once is enough for me. Ngayon I hate the word “second chance”. Whoever said that love is sweeter the second time must be a hopeless romantic na may fairy godmother.. Ang unfair..

“Nasan yung akin?!”.