I'm done!

My heart still bears the pain of yesterday and yet I still find myself smiling every time I see a ray of hope, a new love that is bound to come my way…

“A heart can be broken but it keeps beating just the same…”

They say love is always accompanied by hurt. All had experienced pain, everyone has taken risks, and a lot has been sacrificed. But is it all worth it? That after all the loving, you are left with the weakening fact that his love for you has faded. That you are no longer the one, the special girl he once swore undying love to…

Love never fails in bringing out the brightest smiles and yet in the end, when all else fails, you are suddenly faced with a future so indistinct you can barely see the way. Ending you trapped in yesterday’s memories, haunting you, leaving you in tears with nothing but false hopes and broken promises...

Nevertheless, it keeps us hoping, wanting for more. Making us crave for that reason that made us smile before…

“When you start to miss me, remember… It was you who let me go…”

Memories indeed have a way of making us be crippled in pain. But optimism can turn things around; making the broken hearted people lay out a sneer…

It was you who first held my hand, making me feel safe in your arms. It was you who gave out a smile, making my world stop and wish you’d be mine. It was you who asked me to love you, making me live a dream I never thought would come true. And it was also you, who left me with such shallow reasons, forcing me to wake up to the reality that dreams are fantasies, that everything was not permanent and that you loved me for reasons so mundane that it failed to survive.

Would you blame me if I say I do no longer love you? Just like you, my love has faded. That like you, for me it ended.

“Hey, guess what?... I’ve moved on.”

Moving forward..

Somewhere between the hurt and hoping is a heart that wishes things didn’t end. Desperately, I’m reaching out for someone who’d rescue me from this fall. And yet, I find myself in a pit of despair, distress and solitude.

“Why hope? Why even bother to care? When the only path left to choose is to walk away.”

He left. The “happily-ever-after” ending that I dreamed about suddenly turned into a nightmare. Isn’t it sad that in our lives, we have to say goodbye to those we love and care about for some reasons we can’t explain, and that no matter how you try to save the good old times it just wouldn’t work. And the only right thing left to do is to break away and let go to prove them just how much pain you are willing to take just to see them so damn happy.

Yes I am hurt, but here I am still hoping he’d be back. It hurts to think that I’m still crying, mourning over someone who has left me with no second-thoughts. It is true that love does bring out the stupid part in us. For even in pain, we love. Even for a small possibility, we hope. That even for a slightest chance, we pray. And with all that hoping and praying, we let ourselves bleed once more, tormenting our hearts with the agonizing truth that we were left behind by the people we love.

“Why kept holding on to someone who is on the other hand struggling to get away from you?“

Sometimes, I just can’t understand why love allows pain to take its place. But one thing is for sure, ayaw niya na. Whatever his reasons are, I’m letting him go. He has let go of someone who loved him better, someone who accepted him despite all, someone who continue and faithfully hold on despite his struggle to move away. And now, I’m walking away.

Wake up, girl!!

At first I thought I was a part of a story I never even dreamed of living in, a story so far-fetched that even in movies never liked that kind of situation, it is even rarely being considered. Who would have thought I’d be a part of a family so loving? I never thought, wished or even dreamed of being that loved by those people who I’m not related to by blood. And yet, I found myself in a circle of warmth that made me wished I’d never wake up.

“____ anak, bahala ka na lang kna momi, dadi u ___ at pati na dn sa nagmamature mo pang mahal, wag u bbtaw ha.”

But that story was short lived. I was just an episode, a chapter in their story. I got so comfortable with the support they’ve shown that I was blinded by the kindness and love. Was it true? Were they really supporting me? Or was it just to test their love? I was so overwhelmed with the situation that I failed to notice the obvious.

“I’m just an episode, a chapter in your story.. One day a new chapter would begin and that would be the end of my role..”

Ok na ako last summer, hindi na ko umiiyak nun. Tanggap ko na that it was over and I was contended with the friendship I had with him and his family. Ok na ko nun e.. Now here I am again, still weaken by the fall.

“anak pasensya kna kung nasaktan ka uli ni __..mga bata pa naman kau. Kaw gusto namin, d2 lng kami para sau. Lovu anak.”

I am again forcing my way back to reality, waking myself from a dream that no doubtingly placed tears on my eyes. I am now trying to pick up the pieces and finding a way to stand again.

“sabi ni papa masaya daw sya ngaun dahil alam nya na kahit na anong gawin ng iba, khit n anong pilit naming isupres ung nararamdaman namin, we can’t deny the truth n nagmamahalan pa rin kami ni __”

Ouch. Hay.. Ewan ko ba skin.. Dati, once is enough for me. Ngayon I hate the word “second chance”. Whoever said that love is sweeter the second time must be a hopeless romantic na may fairy godmother.. Ang unfair..

“Nasan yung akin?!”.